And we start again!!
After a typical night of not being able to sleep, anxiety being through the roof, I feel sick, my belly hurts, I don’t like the dark, nobody likes me, wondering the house for hours on end, can you hold me tight, squeeze me tighter to keep me safe he finally gives in and is sleeping more realistically napping 36 minutes and he’s up. Then we start the day.
I’m not having a shower you can’t make me, the bathroom is too cold the water is too hot, the towel is to prickly, the water hurts my head… crying inconsolably, out and done where did those 30 minutes go.
Breakfast before medication, 2 slices of white toast with no crusts bread, no you can’t cut the crust off it’s not the same. Glass of strawberry milk to keep me calm.
Come on time to get dressed for school. Boom 💥here we go… I’m not going I hate school, you hate me, it’s not fair!!! Aww look at the squirrel in the tree. Where, where. Aww I love the squirrel don’t I mam. Let’s get your pants on, not pants oddballs boxers mam. Then clothes in the same order every day, t-shirt, jacket, joggers, left sock, right sock. Here we go the dam socks get us every day. As he’s trying to yank the socks off, I hate socks they hurt, throwing himself around the room, while I’m trying to get the trainers on.
Oldest sister come down he gives a hug they have a game of who can take their medication first. Then middle sister comes down and he gives the death stare. He starts screaming he can hear her breathing from the other room, then she opens her mouth to ask a question and boom we are off again. She deliberately winds him up by touching him and coughing in his direction, he’s convinced she’s contaminated him and must wash himself where she’s touched him, yes after the 30-minute explosion of not wanting to wash.
Off in the car to drive to school.
Drop girls off to comp and onto juniors. Car journeys is fine he’s talking about YouTube and things I have no idea what he’s talking about, but we get there with little issue until he sees the school.
I’m not going, please don’t make me. I get out of the car he locks the car from the inside, I unlock the car he re-locks it. I unlock it and pull the handle and the door is open. He’s squirmed himself into a ball in the footwell of the car, with a bit of manoeuvring he’s on the pavement (in a heap) but we are out of the car. We guide each other across the road hand in hand whilst his face looks like you are leading him to the gallows, we get the bottom gate he’s heaving and makes himself sick. We slowly proceeded to the reception door, we chat about anything and everything until we make it to the door.
I get my pen out of my bag and put a cross on his left hand under his third finger, I put a cross on my left hand under my second finger, we high five each other to charge up our crosses, when he feels anxious or stressed he touches his cross to get a hug from me to get himself through the school day.
His teacher arrives at the door and takes him into the school building with his eyes full of tears and a ghostly look on his face, I see him pressing his cross on his hands until he goes through the door into the hall. Then the wait begins waiting for the phone call from the school.
This is a morning in our life.